


Taking It Back

by KathyG



Series: Gap-fillers/missing scenes for sgam76's "A Long Walk Down a Dusty Road" [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gap Filler, Gen, Inspired by Fanfiction, Missing Scene, No Slash, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:09:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22153807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathyG/pseuds/KathyG
Summary: In this gap-filler/missing scene toChapter 48ofsgam76’s“A Long Walk Down a Dusty Road,”John finds himself having another serious discussion with Anthea.  What will the end result of this confrontation be, as opposed to the first?BTW, Upstarsfromreality has also written her own gap-filler/missing scene to sgam76's story!  It's titled"Anthea's Share", and it's a prequel to this one.
Relationships: Anthea & John Watson
Series: Gap-fillers/missing scenes for sgam76's "A Long Walk Down a Dusty Road" [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765078
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	Taking It Back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sgam76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgam76/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Long Walk Down a Dusty Road](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14621058) by [sgam76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgam76/pseuds/sgam76). 



> My thanks to sgam76 for beta-reading my story and making useful suggestions for improving it and making it compatible with her story.

_So, that was step one, followed very closely by the recognition (after a rather mortifying talk with Dr. A) that the Anger Management sessions, while no longer necessary on a weekly basis, should probably be pencilled into John’s monthly schedule for, oh, the next thirty years or so. Same with Dr. A himself, and AA meetings—unless extraordinary circumstances dictated otherwise, monthly sessions were likely fine. But less than that, not so much—if only for an outside opinion of how things were going, since John had long since proved that he was pants at deciphering that on his own._

_John grumbled, and whinged—and agreed._ (Chapter 48, _A Long Walk Down a Dusty Road,_ by sgam76)  
  


As a disgruntled John left Sevenoaks following that session, he found Anthea waiting next to her car, with Andrew sitting at the wheel. Puzzled, he approached her. 

“Hey, Anthea,” he said. “Is everything all right with Sherlock?” 

“Yes.” Anthea nodded. “Yes, it is.” She tilted her head and gazed directly at John, who suppressed the urge to shiver. “We need to talk, John.” 

“Uh, OK.” John tilted his head; even though Anthea didn’t look as grim as she had, the last time they had met, this didn’t sound promising. “Where do you want to go?” 

“Over here will do.” Anthea led the way toward a nearby bench facing the walkway, followed by John. 

As they sat down, he cleared his throat. “What—what do you need to say to me?” 

Anthea positioned her upper body to face him. “I’m sure you remember our last talk,” she said solemnly; just as solemnly, John nodded. “I want you to tell me again, John, what you said you would do if you ever laid hands on Sherlock again.” 

John leaned back and looked ahead of him, trying to remember. After a moment, it came back to him. “I—I said I would supply the gun, if need be.” 

A long moment passed before Anthea spoke. “And did you mean it?” 

John turned to face her. “I certainly did.” 

Anthea nodded. “I believe you, John. Now, I have another question for you, and I need you to answer it just as truthfully. Would you bring me the gun to use on you?” 

John was taken aback; he hadn’t expected that question. Fidgeting, he struggled to maintain eye contact. “Uh, does it really matter?” he asked her. “I’ll be dead, either way.” 

“Answer the question, John!” Anthea said sternly. 

Leaning back against the bench, John looked down at his lap and sighed. Clenching his left fist, he shook his head. “Some time back, I realized that because Sherlock and I are in a dangerous profession, I would have to make certain preparations for Rosie in case anything ever happened to me. I’ve done that—made out my will, appointed Rosie’s guardian, all that. And since our little talk, I’ve thought of a few more things.” 

He bit his lower lip and then looked back at Anthea. “I sincerely hope that I will never have to carry these things out, Anthea. I’m hoping it’s all gone for good.” _I really hope that the passenger in my head_ is _gone for good,_ he thought. Out loud, he added, “I believe that the threat _is_ gone for good, and that the anger I’ve always carried has now sufficiently subsided that I don’t have to worry about harming Sherlock. But if it ever turns out I’m wrong, I will carry those preparations out. I will write a letter to Sherlock and another to Mrs. Hudson, and then I will take my gun and find a suitable place to do what needs to be done. A motel, perhaps.” 

He looked back down at his lap; his left hand was shaking, so he clenched it again. He grimaced. A few minutes later, Anthea said, “John, look at me.” 

He did. 

“John, I want you to listen to me very carefully.” Anthea raised her finger. “I _don’t_ want you using what I said to you as an excuse to commit suicide.” 

John smiled sadly. “Does it matter which of us does it? I’ll be dead, either way, Anthea.” 

“No, you don’t understand.” Anthea sighed. “Gabe has filled me in on what you’ve been through and what you’re doing, and why. And Mycroft has told me more. And I have a strong feeling that even if I hadn’t threatened you, you would have still decided to use your gun on yourself if you ever again hurt Sherlock.” 

John smiled sadly. “True. I’m afraid you’re right about that.” 

He sighed and, lowering his head, rubbed the fingers of his left hand on the park bench. “Sherlock will be better off if does come to that, and so will Rosie. She does not need a violent father, and Sherlock does not need a flatmate who’s a danger to his safety. Besides, it’s not your responsibility, you know, Anthea. If I ever _do_ hurt Sherlock again, I’ll do what needs to be done without your help.” 

A finger on his arm caught his attention; he looked up to see Anthea laying her hand on his arm. “Make no mistake, John,” she said firmly, “I was furious when I learned what you had done. I’m not so angry now, and I know now that not all of it was your fault. Mycroft has told me what Eurus did to you, and he and Gabe have told me about the steps you’ve taken in the last few months, to make things right. You told me a little during our meeting, but Mycroft and Gabe have told me a good deal more. I take back what I said about killing you, because I know you’ll take your own life rather than wait for me to do it, and I also know that if Sherlock finds out that you’ve killed yourself, that would be even more damaging to him than whatever harm you’ve already caused. He would think it was his fault that you had committed suicide, even if you were to send him a letter telling him otherwise.” 

She shook her head. “That’s an excuse I _never_ should have given you, and I am taking it back now. If you ever _do_ find out that you’re wrong, and it _does_ come to that, I want you to contact Mycroft just as you did before.” She wagged a finger for emphasis. 

John looked at her for a long moment, and then cleared his throat. “Do you mean that, Anthea?” 

“Yes, I do, John.” Anthea looked him in the eyes. “Rosie needs her father, and Sherlock needs his friend. Your death would leave holes in a lot of lives that could never be filled. I won’t kill you as I threatened to, John, but I’ll expect you to do as I have just told you.” 

With a sigh, John nodded. “All right.” 

For a few minutes, the two sat silently on the bench. John couldn’t stop fidgeting, and because his left hand was shaking, he kept clenching and unclenching it. He had not been prepared for a second confrontation with Anthea, although this one was much better than the first had been. He began taking slow, measured, three-second inhales and exhales in an effort to calm himself; at the same time, he continued to clench his left hand and then stretch his fingers straight out, over and over. 

After a moment, Anthea laid her hand over his left hand. “Relax, John. I just told you you’re not going to die as I threatened. I know that you will seek Mycroft’s help if this ever happens again.” 

John nodded. “Yes. I will. Or Dr. Arquette's, since I'm already seeing him. You have my word on that, Anthea.” 

“Good.” Anthea rose to her feet, and John followed suit. “Well, I need to get back to London, John, and you need to return to the Holmeses, so I’ll say good-bye for now.” As she paused and looked straight at John again, her eyes softened, and when she spoke again, her voice was gentler. “I’m very proud of you, John, for the steps you have taken over these past few months to make things right with Sherlock, and with others. I know it hasn’t been easy.” 

John smiled ruefully. “It sure hasn’t been, but it’s been necessary. I couldn’t have _not_ taken these steps and continued to be able to live with myself.” 

Anthea touched his arm. “I wouldn’t have been so harsh with you if I’d known then what I do now. Or that you were there to make amends to Mycroft.” 

John smiled gratefully. Over the clench in his throat, he said, “Thank you.” 

Anthea glanced at her watch. “I must leave now.” 

John nodded. “Good talking to you.” He gave her an ironic look as he spoke. 

Anthea smiled knowingly. “You’re not so sure of that, I can see. But I assure you, I mean you no harm.” 

“Thank you.” John inclined his head. “Bye, Anthea.” 

She went back to her car, and within a few minutes, John was on his way back to Surrey. He had a lot to think about, and not just about his session with Dr. A. _Well,_ he thought, _I know what I must do from now on._ He sighed. What Dr. A had said wasn’t easy to take, but he knew that the doctor was right, and so were Gabe and Anthea. And that wasn’t the only thing he needed to do, as he knew. 

_It’s also getting to be time for Rosie and me to return to London. Siger and Mellie have been most welcoming, but I can’t impose on them any longer, and I really do need to get back to work at the surgery. I’d better start making my plans to return home when I get back to Surrey._

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know more about John and Anthea's previous confrontation, read [Chapter 43](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14621058/chapters/49127210) of "A Long Walk Down a Dusty Road." Better yet, if you haven't yet done so, read sgam76's entire story! =)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Anthea's Share](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25240948) by [Upstarsfromreality](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Upstarsfromreality/pseuds/Upstarsfromreality)




End file.
